Marymass team plan to bring Festival back to it's former days by sacrifice to Old Gods.

The dedicated team who organise Scotland’s biggest community festival, Marymass, say they need backing from Irvine residents to make it happen. In a last ditch attempt to bring the festival back to it's former glory, they plan to make an offering of live animals, school children who plunk school and sacrifice a virgin policeman to the old gods in a burning Wicker Man on Irvine Beach.

Marymass Festival in better times

Former provost Pat McPeach said: “Marymass is one of the world's hugest festivals and our fund is smaller than ever. Gone are the glory days when we'd have bands like The Rolling Stones, The Who & Brotherhood of Man headlining down the Moor. It used to be an epic spectacle to rival the likes of Glastonbury & Burning Man in the States. Now sadly we have a bunch of old nags in the paddock, stabbings, pissed up Carters jousting with one another and Cooncilors urinating in the street.

“This is Irvine’s festival and we want the people of the community to come and help us by embracing old pagan gods on the beach and participating in the human sacrifice with a view to taking things forward this year.”

A committee of 10 people work all year round to organise the 12-day festival but say that they need volunteers from the community to come forward to help them with their plan to make it great again once more.

Committee member Lemmy Summerisle said there is a lack of funding and lack of volunteers to run the festival.

Lemmy Summerisle in practice at Irvine Beach

He is calling on community groups or individuals who want to get involved to an open night on Mayday, at  Irvine Beach at 7pm.

“We have a lack of funding and volunteers,” said Lemmy.

We're looking for people to come forward and help with providing unwanted pets, cats, dogs etc to be burned in the Wicker Man. Local farmers can help by providing us with cattle, sheep or if they can't afford that, maybe a chicken or a hen, that kind of thing. Some of the local schools have kindly provided us with some of the children who are frequent truantees. We'll be piling them on high, and hoping the old gods look kindly upon us. We've also got a Sergeant Howie a virgin policeman from Saltcoats, we're going to lure to the town in order to be our main offering".
"Animals are fine, but their acceptability is limited. A little child is even better, but not *nearly* as effective as the right kind of adult."

Segeant Howie only had this to say on the matter "Don't you see that killing me is not going to bring back your Marymass? If the festival fails, Summerisle, next year your people will kill you on May Day.

The Marymass open bonfire is on Mayday at 7pm.

Medda daft' Irvine Ayrshire black metal band to reform to help propel Irvine Meadow success

Five-piece 80s Black Metal band Burning Doon The Kirk are getting back together and will release a song specially written for Irvine Meadow as singer Darklordvras Bururduzum strives to inspire his boyhood heroes.

Irvine 80's Black Metal Band Burning Doon The Kirk yesterday

Irvine Meadow superfan Darklordvras Bururduzum is to fulfill a lifelong dream by recording a song for his beloved team.

Darklordvras, 58, has been following the Irvine team since he was a boy and despite several attempts to record a track for his favourite team, he’s certain 2015 will be the year it happens.

The gardener is reuniting his 80s band  Burning Doon The Kirk one last time to inspire Meadow to success on the park.

After arduous contract talks between band members that included: putting some members converting to Christianity aside, the murder of the bassists wee brother by drummer 

Lucith Dogkicker and Darklordvras recently getting out of prison for burning down the Fullarton Church in the 80's. The band are going to to recreate the same look they had during the 80s, Burning Doon The Kirk look set to reform.

The shock rockers have vowed to breathe life into their back catalogue as well as debuting a few new tracks too on what’s being described as ‘The Community Service Tour’.

The infamous Meadow single has proved a bit of an own goal for Darklord since the band’s formation – with his attempts at a track in the 80s and 90s failing to reach the mixing stage.

A delighted Darklord said: “I’m Medda daft and I’ve just got to do the song after leaving it so long. It’s fell through so many times.

“We’re recording a rough demo here then taking it up to Glasgow to have it all finalised. All the money generated from the single goes to The Church of Satan.

“We’re all mid to late 50s so we’re getting on a bit but it’s brilliant to get the boys back together.”

Darkord will take on the task of singing while 

Lucith Dogkicker picks up the sticks, Goathn Goatplunger stars on bass, Inferum Cuntahl and Vargom Balrduk pick up guitars for the bands reformation.

Darklordvras also wants to breathe life into the local music scene and is hosting a rock night at the Irvine Old Parish Church on April 5 to mark the comeback, followed by a razing of the Church to the ground.