The dedicated team who organise Scotland’s biggest community festival, Marymass, say they need backing from Irvine residents to make it happen. In a last ditch attempt to bring the festival back to it's former glory, they plan to make an offering of live animals, school children who plunk school and sacrifice a virgin policeman to the old gods in a burning Wicker Man on Irvine Beach.
Marymass Festival in better times
Former provost Pat McPeach said: “Marymass is one of the world's hugest festivals and our fund is smaller than ever. Gone are the glory days when we'd have bands like The Rolling Stones, The Who & Brotherhood of Man headlining down the Moor. It used to be an epic spectacle to rival the likes of Glastonbury & Burning Man in the States. Now sadly we have a bunch of old nags in the paddock, stabbings, pissed up Carters jousting with one another and Cooncilors urinating in the street.
“This is Irvine’s festival and we want the people of the community to come and help us by embracing old pagan gods on the beach and participating in the human sacrifice with a view to taking things forward this year.”
A committee of 10 people work all year round to organise the 12-day festival but say that they need volunteers from the community to come forward to help them with their plan to make it great again once more.
Committee member Lemmy Summerisle said there is a lack of funding and lack of volunteers to run the festival.
Lemmy Summerisle in practice at Irvine Beach
He is calling on community groups or individuals who want to get involved to an open night on Mayday, at Irvine Beach at 7pm.
“We have a lack of funding and volunteers,” said Lemmy.
We're looking for people to come forward and help with providing unwanted pets, cats, dogs etc to be burned in the Wicker Man. Local farmers can help by providing us with cattle, sheep or if they can't afford that, maybe a chicken or a hen, that kind of thing. Some of the local schools have kindly provided us with some of the children who are frequent truantees. We'll be piling them on high, and hoping the old gods look kindly upon us. We've also got a Sergeant Howie a virgin policeman from Saltcoats, we're going to lure to the town in order to be our main offering".
"Animals are fine, but their acceptability is limited. A little child is even better, but not *nearly* as effective as the right kind of adult."
"Animals are fine, but their acceptability is limited. A little child is even better, but not *nearly* as effective as the right kind of adult."
Segeant Howie only had this to say on the matter "Don't you see that killing me is not going to bring back your Marymass? If the festival fails, Summerisle, next year your people will kill you on May Day.
The Marymass open bonfire is on Mayday at 7pm.
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