We were inundated with complaints from enraged readers asking why this 7 stone weakling was filling our pages with drivel week in, week out and using his columns to promote his studio and further his agenda of his fitness classes where he impressed grannies and single mums with his inability to do actually do any exercise himself.
However, we don't like to see anyone fail and we're happy to report that Louie has found his true calling in life - As a Milk Tray Man!
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| Louie finds his true calling |
7 stone Louie, knackered after a gruelling and punishing session where he spent an hour watching Ardrossan grannies try to get fit, told us 'When one door closes, another opens. I was pushed from my job at The Imperiled where I selflessly self promoted week in, week out. Being a sneaky bastard, I realised this would be my dream job, I mean where else would I get to sneak in and out of places. I'm a snake like creature! I may be a slack mouthed fugly, but that doesn't matter! The essence of the Milk Tray Man is not in his looks or his appearance but in what he means to people, and that is definitely a sneaky, slimy creature of a man in which I excel at.'
Update: We got in touch with Cadburys to find out about Louie's appointment, but a spokesman told us 'We can confirm we received a very bad audition video from a gentleman in Ardrossan, but it was too weird, self promoting and downright bizarre to even consider as a contender for Milk Tray Man. His lack of physical prowess and very obvious being out of condition sealed the deal. On top of that, he just came across as a weird creepy character.'
Louie has since removed his audition tape from YouTube but thanks to the wonder of the internet we are in possession of a copy which we will be publishing the next time something bad happens in the world and our readers are going to need a cheering up.
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