Phasers Set To Stun As Councillor Jim Boldly Goes Into Spaceport Furore

There's been Klingons on the starboard bow recently, or to be more specific Vulcans, as local Councillor, Space Hero & all round man of action the Running Skirt Jim 'Tiberius' Montgomerie of Saltcoats has set his sights on tackling a new threat to North Ayrshire.
No stranger to spacefaring adventure, Jim who as we exclusively reported last year ran the surface of the moon in his skirt in a joint effort with North Korea has hit out at an MSP's plan to turn Prestwick International into a Spaceport.

Councillor Jim  Montgomerie

One man army Jim, also an Admiral in Starfleet for the past decade, has hit out at the plans after SNP Councillor from Irvine Philippa Whitford made the plea for Prestwick to be the first call in Scotland for Space Tourism. It's been Star Wars and intergalactic civil war in the Cooncil this months as an enraged Jim hit out 'What a lot of nonsense, there's only one place for an international Space Port to be built and the right choice is obviously Saltcoats'. We have the infrastructure, we have the ground to be building this and think of all the jobs that it would bring to the community. Irvine Bay has an area of 14km's, it makes sense to bring this Spaceport project to Saltcoats. We are no strangers to alien species - have you ever been to the Windy 'Ha on a Saturday? It's like the Mos Eisley Cantina in there.'

The Windy Ha'

Jim, who as well as his adventure on the moon last year, took the winning shot that destroyed the Death Star also had this to say 'Look at her doing Vulcan hand signals in Parliament. There's no place in politics for logic, and if you've ever been to a Cooncil meeting, you would see for yourself that there's plenty of emotion running high in the place. Something these Vulcans claim not to possess. We have no need in North Ayrshire for Vulcans, we're over run by them in the Scottish Parliament, just look at Sturgeon''s hair do. I've never seen a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. What's their agenda? Why Prestwick, when we could have our very own Spaceport in North Ayrshire? Next the place will be teeming with Klingons, and I just don't trust them.'

Dr Who?

'Live long and prosper?' Said former Jedi Master Jim. 'The only people that will prosper out of this will be the SNP. No doubt lining their pockets with backhanders from the Vulcans. No 'on my watch! I only have one final message to say to her 'Try it all ye like, but remember one thing hen - in space nae one can hear ye scream...'