The Irvine Imperiled & Kilwinning Orange News: Community in turmoil as Gazza threatens to cancel talk in Irvine

Tuesday, 9 February 2016

Community in turmoil as Gazza threatens to cancel talk in Irvine

The whole community of Kilwinning was in turmoil yesterday as a planned Musical night with Gazza at Irvine Magnum on the 19th of February may be in danger of not going ahead.
The event which was sold out in minutes with all tickets going to the population of Kilwinning is in jeopardy after Gazza's flute has appeared to go missing. Believed to be stolen.

A tearful Gazza said yesterday 'I can hardly speak for crying. I had been looking forward to my evening of musical festivities in Irvine for ages. It had sold out, and I had been practicing my flute playing specially in preparation for the event which was to be supported by my UVF, flag waving drinking buddy Andy Goram. I was with Andy the other day, and after he left after a right good session drinking in Troon with fellow rascal Mad Dog Johnny Adair my flute had gone. I'm in utter despair right now. I may have to cancel, as the show can't go on without it'.

Gazza yesterday

A spokesperson for Kilwinning said 'We're shocked and outraged that someone could possibly spoil a fun, family night out like this by stealing Gazza's precious flute. The whole community was looking forward to a night out to Irvine in our red, white and blue buses, we had planned bunting in the streets and looked forward to a night of musical entertainment with some of our favourite songs such as The Sash and Billy Boys. If this event is now ruined by a thief, it ruins everyone's idea of a good night out.'

We tried to talk to Johnny Adair, but getting a hold of him was proving elusive. We did manage to get a hold of Goram, but he simply said 'If this event doesn't go ahead with Gazza, i'm more than happy to hold a night of my own. I'd be more than happy to do a flute night of my own'. When asked about his new flute he was holding, a smirking Goram, simply replied 'No Comment'.

Goram yesterday

Sgt Neil Howie of Saltcoats had this to say ' We are following investigations into the theft of a flute. We simply cannot allow a community to be disappointed and let down on this scale and are following all lines of enquiries with some leading to a goalkeeper in Troon'.

Have you seen this flute?

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